As we begin the month when we remember our faithful departed and honor our beloved dead, I think this is a good time to remember something else:
Someday, that will be you. And the person who should be planning your funeral is you.
Not your children. Not your friends. Not even your spouse. You. Make clear what you want and leave nothing to chance.
It happens far too often. A faithful Catholic passes on, and surviving relatives, many of whom aren’t Catholic, (or who were baptized and raised in the faith, but no longer practice) decide “Let’s keep it simple. No Mass.” No amount of persuasion can change their minds. It can get complicated. Survivors often have no idea what kind of music or readings to pick. Frequently, they’re lapsed Catholics who worship in another faith. Sometimes, the loss is so emotionally overwhelming that they tell the priest or deacon, “I don’t know. You decide.”
No, gentle reader: you decide.
If you want a funeral Mass, make that clear.
Let me repeat that.
If you want a funeral Mass, say so. While you still can.
Pick the readings. Choose the music. Select a priest or homilist. Put it in writing. Notarize it, if you want. Make sure everyone around you knows your wishes. Share all this with as many people as possible. Keep a file for “Last Wishes” that friends and family can easily find. Leave nothing to chance.
N.B. If you’re wondering why a Mass is desirable, check out this helpful essay from a priest in New Jersey, who notes:
It is our firm belief that God can and does use our prayers to help our loved ones get to Heaven.
That said, I want to turn my attention to the most important prayer we can offer for someone who dies, the Funeral Mass. The Holy Mass is the most powerful prayer we have, thus the Funeral Mass is the most powerful prayer we can offer for a loved one who has died. While other prayers, such as those said at the Funeral Home during the Wake or at the graveside before burial, are also important, they pale in comparison to the Funeral Mass.
I write this because it seems that a growing number of Catholics are being buried without a Funeral Mass. On many occasions, our priests are asked simply to ‘say a few words’ or conduct a brief service at the Funeral Home or cemetery when someone dies. While there may at times be good reason for this, it should never be considered the norm for a Catholic Funeral.
Whatever you do, when at all possible, don’t let other people make the last choices for your last liturgy.
Really. You can rest in peace — and the people around you will rest easier, too, knowing that they’re doing what you wanted.
UPDATE: In a timely coincidence, National Catholic Register late Wednesday published a story on this very subject. Take a look:
The Catholic Church has always emphasized the crucial importance of celebrating a funeral Mass, since it is the instrument through which recently departed souls can be commended to the care of God — and assisted by the prayers of their families and friends — on their final journey.
Yet despite its enormous significance, skipping a funeral Mass and instead opting for a graveside service or “celebration of life” for a loved one has become increasingly common among U.S. Catholics.
“There has been an overall steady decline in the number of Catholic funerals reported annually by dioceses in The Official Catholic Directory (OCD),” Father Thomas Gaunt, executive director of the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA), told the Register.
From 2001 to 2024, while the total Catholic population rose 9.3%, from 60.6 million to 66.3 million, the reported number of Catholic funerals (funeral Masses, funeral services and burials combined) fell 30.3%, from 503,733 to 350,755.
Anecdotal evidence points to a significant contributor to this trend: Children of devout Catholics are not having Catholic funeral rites for their parents.
Those ministering to grieving families have taken note of this trend.
Certified funeral service practitioner Michael Johnston of Divine Mercy Funeral Home in Fort Wayne, Indiana, which consists of two funeral homes and a Catholic cemetery, certainly has.
While the trend is less pronounced at his funeral home, which is owned by the Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend, “our area, in general, is seeing more and more people going toward a service outside the church and more of a ‘celebration of life,’ which I find interesting because I consider a funeral Mass to be a celebration of life. When I write an obituary, I say ‘a funeral Mass will be celebrated.’”
Father Kevin Bowman, pastor of St. Joseph Catholic Church in Fort Wayne, Indiana, finds fewer funeral Masses “is definitely the case.”
“It’s a huge shift from what it used to be in Catholic culture,” he told the Register. “The norm was always the funeral Mass and then the burial.”
He believes COVID was the starting point for when “people have been opting out of Masses.” But he emphasized there are many different reasons why.
“I would say the top reasons are adult children no longer embrace the Catholic faith that they were raised in, either because of marriage situations or they just decide to step away from organized religion,” Father Bowman said.
