What does it take to follow Christ?
This Gospel shows us. Shove off from the shore. Leave what’s comfortable and secure. Surrender. Trust.
You may be amazed at what happens.
Often, this Gospel is used in reference to vocations, especially vocations to religious life. A few years ago, a short film called “Fishers of Men” told the stories of men who became priests to show, dramatically, how that choice made a powerful difference in their lives.
But this weekend, I wanted to talk about another vocation, one that also requires surrender and trust – and that demands sacrificial love, love modeled on Christ himself. It can also make a powerful difference.
I’m speaking of married life.
This Sunday, the church marks World Marriage Day – a moment to give some much-needed attention to something we often take for granted. God knows, we need religious vocations – we need to pray for priests, deacons, brothers and sisters.
But every one of those vocations begins in a home. In a family. In a marriage. The vocation of marriage is the source of every other vocation.
This May, my wife and I will celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary. I speak from experience. I’d like to offer three ideas, three building blocks that are a part of this vocation – and every vocation.
Sanctity. Surrender. Service.
So first, Sanctity. A desire for holiness. I mention this often in my homilies at a wedding. I tell the couple, after you leave this church, your greatest goal now isn’t to have the prettiest china pattern, the nicest kitchen, the smartest kids, or the most amazing vacations to write about in your Christmas letter.
The most important goal now is to help make the person you have married a saint.
That begins by making marriage itself a prayer.
Every great undertaking in life needs to begin on our knees. I mentioned this during the mission I gave during Advent. Strive to make everything a prayer. That includes marriage.
In religious life, we pray the Liturgy of the Hours. Well, marriage is the Liturgy of Every Hour, the prayer of a lifetime.
It is a prayer that involves commitment and humility. Sometimes, it is a petition. Sometimes it is a hymn of hope and gratitude.
But more often, the prayer is something much simpler.
“Thank you, God, for giving me another person to share my life with.”
“Dear God, help me find a job.”
“Please God, let the biopsy be negative.”
“Father, be with us.”
“Keep our children safe.”
“Sanctify, bless, our life together. Help us do your will. Help us to become saints.”
Secondly, like every vocation, marriage demands surrender. Sacrifice. Self-giving love. Whether a married couple realizes it or not, in that way marriage is modeled on Christ.
One of the great treasures of the pre-Vatican II Church was part of the marriage rite called “The Exhortation Before Marriage.” It’s a beautiful piece of work. It used to be read as the homily at Catholic weddings. I’m sure it was read when my parents were married in 1949. I encourage you to look it up.
It’s long but here’s just one part:
“You will belong entirely to each other; whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make, always make them generously. Sacrifice is usually difficult. Only love can make it easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, and the Son so loved us that he gave himself for our salvation. Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
That says it all.
Finally, there is service. Service born of love.
Every vocation seeks to fulfill the two great commandments – loving God and loving our neighbor. It’s no different in marriage. A writer once put it this way: “I believe marriage is the best chance I will have to love my neighbor as myself.” That means – as the marriage ritual puts it – being ready to give and forgive. To do unto others, especially that other you wake up with every morning. And to do it every day. Not just in the best of times.
Years ago, I heard about a couple, John and Ann Betar, of Connecticut.
John worked as a fruit peddler and Ann’s parents had planned for her to marry someone else. But they defied her parents and eloped. They married in November of 1932.
They defied her parents — but they also defied the odds. Their marriage endured. They were married for nearly 86 years, until John’s death at the age of 107 in 2018. At one time, they were “America’s longest married couple.” They had five children, 14 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren.
They lived through the Depression, a World War, recessions, crises of all kinds, personal struggles, the ups and downs that are part of every life, every marriage. But as one of their daughters put it: “They were going against the odds…but when you make the choice they made, there is no other way but love.”
John and Ann Betar “put out into the deep.”
They understood, like Jesus taught his fishermen: that’s where you find a good catch.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
In the Gospel we heard, Luke tells us that the fishermen struggled with what they caught. They had to fight to hold onto it and needed help. They couldn’t handle it alone. In the end, Peter was so overwhelmed, it brought him to his knees before the Lord.
That’s what it takes to be a disciple, to live out a vocation. That’s also what it takes for the vocation of marriage. It needs commitment and work. Sometimes, it needs help.
As I mentioned earlier, it needs us to begin on our knees.
Every couple that marries leaves the shore and heads into uncharted waters—adjusting the sails to meet the wind, scanning the skies, following currents, no matter how high the waves or how fierce the storm.
You put out into the deep. That means a place of deep empathy, of deep commitment, of deep dedication and love.
This weekend, as we mark World Marriage Day, pray for people who feel called to the vocation of marriage – that they may build on those pillars of sanctity, sacrifice and service to build strong Christ-centered marriages and build up the kingdom of God.
Jesus showed a group of fishermen how to begin.
He continues to show us today.
No matter what vocation God is calling us to, when guided by faith, by hope, and by love, may all of us put our trust in him, listen to his advice — and put out into the deep.
