You may have heard that Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer caused quite a stir a few days ago:
Gov. Gretchen Whitmer apologized for how a recent social media video was “construed” after Catholic groups said the video appeared to mock the sacrament of the eucharist.
The issue stems from an Instagram video posted Thursday that shows the governor, while wearing a Harris-Walz cap, feeding a Dorito to a podcaster, in a recreation of a TikTok trend. The podcaster and author Liz Plank had posted the video to plug an interview between Plank and the governor that was posted to YouTube as a segment of “Chip Chat.“
The Instagram video was shared widely after it was posted, with many criticizing the reel as “weird” and others arguing the feeding of the chip from Whitmer, who was standing, to Plank, who appears to be sitting on a couch, mimicked the reception of communion on the tongue.
…The Michigan Catholic Conference said it also received communication from the governor apologizing for how the video was construed. Whitmer’s office provided a copy of the statement to The News.
“Over 25 years in public service, I would never do something to denigrate someone’s faith,” the statement said. “I’ve used my platform to stand up for people’s right to hold and practice their personal religious beliefs. My team has spoken to the Michigan Catholic Conference. What was supposed to be a video about the importance of the CHIPS Act to Michigan jobs, has been construed as something it was never intended to be, and I apologize for that.”
You can read more about the controversy here.
Here’s the thing: as apologies go, it wasn’t that great. It’s not entirely clear what Whitmer is apologizing for, or that she understands what she did wrong. Is she apologizing for how the video was “construed”? Or is she apologizing for doing it in the first place?
Apology pro tip: when you apologize for something, own it.
Lame non-apologies are all too common. A famous recent example popped up after “The Last Supper” parody at the Paris Olympics:
“Clearly there was never an intention to show disrespect to any religious group. On the contrary, I think (with) Thomas Jolly, we really did try to celebrate community tolerance,” Descamps said. “Looking at the result of the polls that we shared, we believe that this ambition was achieved. If people have taken any offense we are, of course, really, really sorry.”
The “if people are offended” language is pitiful. Here’s a clue: Yes. People were offended. It wasn’t their fault. You caused that. Accept it.
Be clear. Apologize for whatever offense you caused. Accept responsibility. Vow to do better. Don’t just vaguely “apologize for that.”
Want some other ideas? Here:
For an apology to be effective, it has to be genuine. A successful apology validates that the other person felt offended, and acknowledges responsibility (you accept that your actions caused the other person pain). You want to convey that you truly feel sorry and care about the person who was hurt, and promise to make amends, including by taking steps to avoid similar mishaps going forward as in the examples below.
According to the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, a good apology has four elements:
Acknowledge the offense. Take responsibility for the offense, whether it was a physical or psychological harm, and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. Avoid using vague or evasive language, or wording an apology in a way that minimizes the offense or questions whether the victim was really hurt.
Explain what happened. The challenge here is to explain how the offense occurred without excusing it. In fact, sometimes the best strategy is to say there is no excuse.
Express remorse. If you regret the error or feel ashamed or humiliated, say so: this is all part of expressing sincere remorse.
Offer to make amends. For example, if you have damaged someone’s property, have it repaired or replace it. When the offense has hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge the pain and promise to try to be more sensitive in the future.
Recently Bath & Body Works sparked an uproar with the design of a candle that resembled a KKK hood. The company offered a good example of a corporate apology:
“At Bath & Body Works, we are committed to listening to our teams and customers, and committed to fixing any mistakes we make — even those that are unintentional like this one,” the company said in an emailed statement to NBC News and other outlets. “We apologize to anyone we’ve offended and are swiftly working to have this item removed and are evaluating our process going forward.”
Or there’s this example, when Oregon football receiver Traeshon Holden apologized for spitting on Ohio State cornerback Davison Igbinosun:
“I want to sincerely apologize for my actions during our recent game,” Holden wrote. “My actions were not only disrespectful but also a betrayal of the values of sportsmanship, integrity, and respect that I strive to embody as a student-athlete. To my Oregon family, I am truly sorry for letting you down. You have shown me the importance of teamwork, discipline, and respect, and my actions in that moment did not reflect these core principles. I recognize that this has negatively affected our team’s reputation, and I deeply regret putting us in that situation.
“To Ohio State, I offer my sincerest apologies for my behavior. It was completely unacceptable and a momentary lapse in judgment. I want to emphasize that this incident does not reflect who I am as a person or the values I aim to uphold. Moving forward, I am committed to making meaningful changes, not only in managing my emotions during competition both in setting a better example for my teammates and the broader community. I am determined to demonstrate growth and maturity, both on and off the field, and I hope to earn back the trust of those I’ve let down.
“This incident has been a valuable lesson, and I am dedicated to becoming a better player, teammate, and a positive role model in our community.”
That’s how you do it.
We’re all works in progress, people. None of us is perfect. We screw up. It’s not the worst thing in the world to admit that. In fact, given the tenor of the times, it’s refreshing. More public figures (especially politicians) should think about that.
