‘Behind the collar, there is a man’: Pray for our priests

The death of a priest, especially when it comes to an extreme and silent choice like suicide, forces us to stop, because behind the collar, behind the altar, behind the patient smile and constant availability, there is a man…. and we often forget that.

The priest is not a lone hero, nor a sacrament vending machine. He is a man who answered a radical call, who gave up so much – family, career, affections – to serve. But to serve does not mean to disappear. And consecrating oneself does not mean to become vulnerable. And yet the communities that are supposed to be family to him often turn into cages, or worse, “lion dens” and “viper dens.” They become tribunals where every word is judged, every choice questioned, every defect magnified. Everything is expected from him, without granting him anything: neither the right to fragility, nor the time to rest, nor the space to simply be human.

Mission is mistaken for perfection. It is thought that being a “man of God” makes you indifferent to loneliness, to misunderstanding, to injustice. But it is not like that. The priest never ceases to be a man, and a wounded man, abandoned, neglected in his deepest needs, sooner or later collapses. And that breakdown is sometimes final.  Maybe we cannot know what was going on in Fr. Matteo’s heart. But we can honestly ask ourselves: how are priests treated in the communities they are sent to? Do we support them as much as we criticize them? Sometimes a kind word would be enough. A look that says “you’re here and we love you”. A simple yet authentic gesture, because the most painful loneliness is not the absence, but the one experienced among many, without being truly seen. Community is not a crowd. It is not an evaluation committee. It’s a home. And if it’s not a home for your pastors too, it’s not the Church.

Fr. Matteo died alone, but he also died in the blindness of those who could not or would not see.

Those who love the Church today must learn to love their pastors too. Not idealizing them but being truly close to them. With kindness, with respect, with the same mercy we expect from them. They too need saving every once in a while.